I know now that the only sure thing in this world I can depend on is myself. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. Your husband may be experiencing depression and you may want to invite him to take a depression test on-line. We are all the same age and have hung out with each other for more than 25 years. 6. BUT I am so happy that this is FINALLY coming to closure for you. I only vent here. In other words, I'm a good person! That said, anyone who knows my husband and I would say that HE is the boring one; ie, wants to stay home, etc. Can I ask how old you are? They can't find the words to properly articulate their feelings, an issue, or a problem. All of these will be removed and locked. Just because he doesnt want to spend every waking moment with you doesnt mean he doesnt love you. NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES. Im glad its over for you. On my birthday . And he had better think about how to mentally gird himself and decide how to react calmly to it. I hope its not too late. I WON! I think my summer project is going to be to read all of the blog posts and comments from the beginning. Literally in our home, in our space, with a very good friend all part of a couple etc.. a friendship grew and grew and he did nothing at all to stop it. Obviously you want to do things they would enjoy--especially action oriented activities. Not a legacy to be proud of. It's a good way to keep a relationship alive. Was he responsible for me cheating on him? She is a safer target to vent my rage towards. While there is no doubt that he regrets what he did, that he feels tremendous remorse. This can be difficult to navigate, but dont worry were here to help! Its in cases just like this that many people turn to infidelity in an ill-fated attempt to solve their boredom (or some other) problem. But living with a depressed person takes the life out of you. I think Ive done my share. Like go to the grocery store, go to the pool, go to sport practice, go anywhere! or situations/content involving minors. Use that time to bond with him, leash-train and you should be good. But after she left, he was angry. He is always focused on himself. Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. Wishing you all the best ! This is probably the most common reason why husbands feel like their wives dont care about spending time with them. Best wishes Rachelyou have won what is most important to you!!! You know it has nothing to do with looks. If you find that he either makes decisions without your input, or he takes a course of action without your buy in, this is a massive sign of disrespect. So making comments and getting feedback really helps me. Doug, Pre-affair I was as guilty as anyone. she willingly goes to counseling but I dont think think she puts much effort towards repairing our marriage. Of course, theres more to a relationship than physical attractionbut it is important. But I fear that when you live in a kind of dull state you will gravitate towards more exciting people. Kind of hard though. For example, if you dont share his love for football, he may feel like it would be a waste of time. Well, my court date for Friday was cancelled because the ex couldnt make it. Im also in the best shape of my life because of it (not because of her, but my self-determination to improve myself and keep on challenging myself). If your spouse feels like youre always trying to get him to do things or constantly talking to him, it can be tough to want to spend time with you. If you have been in this situation you know that this will also include mental, sexual, and many other types of abuse as well. I have to keep reminding myself that he needs time to adjust to the fact that life has changed. Stacy Taniguchi grew up as a Buddhist in Hawaii and joined the Church so that he could marry his girlfriend who was a Latter-day Saint. I tried to strike a balance and move the conversation in a different direction. I'll want to go somewhere or do something and he tells me he doesn't want to go or do whatever it may be. I am tired of the many years of being his personal assistant, director, PR person, party planner, date night organizer, relational health coach, spiritual leader and the bad guy parent. Not exactly good party talk! Instead of demanding his time, try giving him some space to do what he enjoys. If your husband is spending more time with friends, at work, or on his hobbies, it might be because hes found someone new to spend his time with. Required fields are marked *, My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, on My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why and What to Do About It, Why Husband Blames Me For Everything: The Truth Behind Relationship Arguments, 11 Signs of Selfish Husband and How to Deal With Him. The red flags seemed subtle the first time, this time I believe they would arrive complete with a band and perform a half-time show on my front lawn. My parents were recent ly deceased, I had no money cause he would not work, and no where to go. This can lead to him wanting to distance himself from you, which isnt good for your relationship. I handled it FAR better than he did, and I think I should be the one ranting and raving over how bad it made me feel. "Be willing to hear his feedback and experiences in the marriage," says Henry. 22/07/2018 09:47. Easier to blame me. "Try not to accuse or assume." 3. Last night my husband and sister got into a somewhat heated discussion when she brought up a friend from our hometown that got caught cheating. Trash is its own reward. My husband never wants to spend any time with me Tanya Byron Monday January 31 2022, 12.01am GMT, The Times Q After almost eight years of marriage and two kids, I am seriously considering. Things have evened out quite a bit and we have some nice little teamwork going on. If he feels like he cant get away from his job, even for a few hours, it will strain your relationship, so youll think: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. Now he is going away on a friend's five-day stag trip. She got to screw another guy for 2 years and I was now bending over backwards trying to make her happywth? I also lived in constant fear that she would get bored again and run back to him. Its essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you dont share the same enthusiasm. If someone's lack of response has become a. Take time to let the responses settle in, and strive not to be defensive," she says. Not even for the kids. The problem isn't your job. She was not invested like I was. No, no one wins we just keeping moving forward. Read Also: 11 Signs of Selfish Husband and How to Deal With Him. I am a spontaneous, energetic, social and active person. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. As the girls got older, I was looking forward to the two of us having time together again. Ive never really figured out how to process my first marriage and all it involved. You might be unwittingly putting distance between yourself and your partner by being too busy. What a crock! he says he feels indifferent even to his family. On the contrary, everyone needs quality time with their loved ones. They questioned whether or not they had anything in common anymore with their husbands. I just didnt want to believe what was actually happening and also, I didnt have the guts! What to do if my husband never wants to do anything with me because of mental illness? Don't think your heavy sighs and the comments made under your breath are going unnoticed. He either doesn't want to be seen with her or he doesn't want someone else to see him while he is with her. It is just easier to blame someone else rather than looking within. Also I am MUCH more aware of making even the slightest joke at his expense. My ex may have made out well with money , but I have my sons. The lack of confidence was not about my career or who I was outside of our marriage. An issue my husband never wants to do anything with me could also mean that hes an introvert and he just needs some time alone to recharge. This is separate from and at times in spite of, others around me. Yes, it SUCKS the big one and I struggle to deal with the profound disappointment, frustration and anger towards him and I dont like myself anymore because Ive lost respect for him and Im irritable all the time. He's Totally Stopped Texting You Back. Its called denial and justification and it is a POWERFUL thing. He has outgrown you or never cared in the first place or he is just self absorbed and a loner. I'd go with an ultimatum: remind him you're not his servant, nor a . Talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything you can do to help relieve some of his stress. The day-to-day grind of work, errands, and childcare can make it hard to find time for each other, and you conclude: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me. This is especially true if you have different schedules or live in other places. Some of the big realizations I have had in this post affair phase are: a. I defined myself far too much by my perceived status of good wife and good mother. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! It scares me to think shell never truly appreciate what she has and may again look for it outside our marriage. Don't get in a relationship where the main traits of a person irritates, you and don't expect those traits to just magically disappear just because you get married, Have a discussion where things do not move on until he starts answering questions, He gets on medication or he starts seeing someone to get his depression under control. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Just a little! I love to be out and do fun things from traveling to movies to concerts etc. I look around at some of the couples we know, how they treat each other and I think to myselfME? Take care. Actually.. My major flaw is that Im fat. Say what you will, but there's often quite a bit of truth to jokes. Donna, he may indeed suffer from depression. He had ti see her because it made her feel better, then when that wasnt working anymore, lets bring mummy dearest over from overseas to help her with her attempts at getting my h away from me. Problem is, is that when I do, he texts or calls me frequently asking when Ill be home. He claims it's his depression stopping him from wanting to do anything, but the problem is when he has his mind set on going or doing something he'll do it. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we have a 8 week old daughter together. So, if your husband is always working on projects around the house or taking care of the kids, he may be trying to show you how much he cares. Not until later on the drive home did I learn what the gals were chatting about. I have often thought about why I dragged my feet too. Told me why now when he doesnt care. He lied to her, manipulated her, made her promises he didnt keep. I will NEVER go through this again. Push me past the point of no return. And not much of it was very good at all. This is especially true if he notices other women and gives you compliments less often. If youre spending more time with work, kids, or hobbies, he may feel left out. In fact, that is one of the explanations we have for one our friends. So now I feel like if were not doing something exciting all the time Im gonna lose her again. Oh wait, here I am doing JUST THAT, LOL LOL. Plan weekend getaways or vacations well in advance so he has something to look forward to and can plan accordingly at work. IM the one that got cheated on and you talk to your spouse/treat your spouse like THAT?? The responsibility for what you did is totally on YOU, no one else. " If dat new guy don't stop follin wit ma girl, ahm gon put a gree gree on him ." Talking to one other and making an effort is key to a long-lasting relationship. He was slightly above a dead-beat. Yes I did everything to make his life comfortable not so much now. 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